Bernd's Home-coming Thoughts (1)

I somehow stumbled upon this piece of unwanted land, left uncared and barren for almost a year. The reason? I would think it is due to the extra bit of time I suddenly have on my hands now that I'm a normal person (read:civillian not a soldier). Still, I figured it may not be the real complete reason for my home-coming. There's been a sudden explosion of sorts in my life, everything thrown out and disrupting whatever order I had maintained in my life. I thought I had it covered. I am in disarray now. I need an outlet. This is it. Sociologists insist that writing out your thoughts can make the situation clearer, something which could really help me now.

Also, another reason was that I discovered another visitor in my land... A foreigner! It was an amazing feeling to know that somebody, also called Bernd, from a faraway land had actually read one of my entries. It inspired me to make a comeback and let my feelings go loose here in my sacred land.

Army left me in a pleasant state of retrenchment. I found another part time job that occupies lesser of my time as compared to the damned military and double the measly allowance I used to receive. I joined orientation camp and school pretty much followed after that. It was another sudden change of environment that I had to deal with quickly given the pace of life, not a pleasant task for me considering that I have a low level of adaptability. I figured this might be the main factor for my outburst of depression.

I am NOT a good-looker. God has short-changed me in that department, I must admit. I found that out a long time ago but everyday is a new challenge for me to attempt to accept it. Some days are easier, some are not. Of course I am the guy that no girls notice, which is something I am oddly proud of. Well it could be my ex that has left a lasting impression on me so much so that I have developed womanphobia. Somehow, whenever I make myself resolutions that I am determined to keep, God never fail find new ways to test me and this test has come in the form of YTS and HLC. Well, they are not new mutated chorolesterol genes or vitamins as I had learnt in Food Security lecture but two persons who left (in one case, still leaving) memorable imprints in my heart, never can I forget...