Socialization Woes

I never thought that my perception of life could be changed after watching the movie "Click". As I watched the credits roll on the screen, instead of remembering Adam Sandler and his comical antics, what filled my mind was a reflective thought that I should cherish life and live fully, as every experience is worth the time and effort. It seems the start to the new year has been pretty rough for all Geminis concerned as Jackson, a friend of mine, had failed in his quest for romance and had to take a long time to nurse his heartbreak. It seems that the girls involved in his and my story just could not appreciate both our efforts and presence, ignored us and to rub salt in our wounds, they conveniently got attached. Anyway, together with Lionel and me, three of us old army buddies gathered for a little pep talk and encouragement session last week at Novena Square. Hopefully, by the time I post this, Jackson will be feeling much better than he did the last time we met up.
Well, another Gemini I know belonged to an entirely different league. He could not have asked for a better start to the new year. 29th January 2007 is the special day, for my best buddy Fabius has found himself a girlfriend! It was truly memorable for I witnessed the entire process and followed the highs and lows of their "drama", fortunate enough to catch the final episode and its happy fairytale ending. Though it also meant that my close friends around me are no longer single and I may be neglected now and then, I felt happy for him. Of course, I had also learnt another valuable lesson in the process, as the never-ending quest for socialization and re-socialization continues.
By comparing the above "fairytale" with the previous bittersweet experience that I had recently, I came to a conclusion that what happened was partly my fault and I deserve every bit of the disastrous consequences that was brought along with it. For I simply chose not to heed the warning signs when they were so ominous - when the "safe" distance between two people has disappeared, the incessant placing of his hand behind her back even though it is totally unnecessary, the frequent exchanges of whispers etc. Everything seems like deja vu to me, except this time, I took the role of the observer instead of a participant. After the recent happenings, I can say that I have came out worser, but nonetheless, wiser.
I guess this has to be my new approach to life now, bearing in mind the fact that events in life are pretty dynamic and we as the "actors", have to constantly resocialize ourselves in order to survive and keep ourselves self-sufficient mentally and emotionally. To make things better, Singapore had better win Thailand in the first leg for a start... That would certainly put a smile on my face, at least for the time being.

(Thanks Felicia, for teaching me how to post pictures. I promise the Europe photos will be up asap...)

A Wish By The Lonely

淡水河边
词曲:戴佩妮

淡水的河边
还没吃完的餐点
热闹的烟火还没上演
飘流中的船
往返了多少遍
回忆的帆却停在那一年

熟悉的冬夜
独自呆坐在岸边
听熙来攘往的笑声蔓延
有些情绪呀
我不想遮掩
有一些人
我不想遇见

我很狼狈的将我的脸偷偷收起了
我很浪费的将你的好通通放开了
我很惭愧的将你的手交给他了
我怀疑我能做什么
当我颓废的难过着
我很狼狈的将我的眼紧紧闭上了
我很浪费的将你的话通通忘记了
我很惭愧的将你未来让给他了
你能够为我做什么为我快乐
因为我值得
为我快乐

Maybe meeting you was a mistake... maybe. Maybe falling in love with you was my fault... maybe. Why should I give you up when my heart does not wish to? Why do I hide my face beneath a veil of guilt? Why do I erase everything about you from my memory now? Struggling to overcome my shame as I grant you happiness in your new life with him... For me... I close my eyes to escape, discard memories of your words from my heart, wishing the best for you. Just be happy... for me.

What's Broken Can Never Be Fixed

Maybe it is true after all, that life is full of experiences and you've got to expect the unexpected. Hopefully, these experiences will make you grow wiser as a person. Well, it wouldn't be much fun if life was predictable and perfect all the time. Just when I least expected it, a new lesson awaited for me at the beginning of 2007. I could only watch on helplessly as a former "distinguished passenger of mine" decided to switch vehicles permanently. Simply put, not only were my feelings for this girl went unreciprocated, she is now attached to a friend of mine. The perpetrator stood his ground and won the war. Initially, I refused to believe my eyes but a second confirmation with another friend washed all doubt away. As far as I know, it is the end of the road for me.
Fortunately (or unforunately), I knew my hopes were pretty slim and I decided to make October 28th my final date, albeit a memorable one. But, regardless of how prepared I was, I had forgotten the fact that I'm human after all. Emotions got the better of me I had to take time off to fix myself. At that time, the new semester had just began and I could not let this affect my life. This explains the long absence in my blogging. For now, as I'm writing this blog entry, I would like to believe that I have "self-healed" enough, though not completely, as I attempt to move on. I will take it as another valuable lesson learnt in the game of life...
Well, I have embarked on a new semester, looking forward to bring my cap to new heights and enjoying all the five modules I successfully bidded for, especially Japanese! At least God has been kind enough to spare me from those bidding blues. Hopefully, I will be able to decide wisely on my major after this semester. It is the last semester before declaration after all. I also finally bought the Man Utd away kit after much consideration. It looks wonderful, of course with "Scholes" printed at the back.
I was at the National Stadium three times last week to witness our national side progress through the ASEAN cup group stage with two other close friends, Aly and Fabius. The three of us went for an unbelievable roller-coaster ride, enduring a frustrating goaless draw with Vietnam, enjoying an emphatic 11-0 thumping of Laos and a final nail-biting 2-2 draw with Indonesia in which the referee was totally rubbish. The National Stadium looks like it is a century old and hopefully this is truely the last time it is being used. We now face off with our neighbours Malaysia whom I believe we will have no problems beating.
Tutorials to start next week and the semester will go full swing from then on. A long and winding 'drama' has finally concluded, and I have came out the worst. It is definitely time to move on and continue with life.

My favourite song now to heal my soul...
单身潜逃 词曲:戴佩妮

我没有你想像中那么坚强
我只是擅长用微笑去伪装,不是吗
我没有你形容的那么勇敢
我偶尔也会慌
我也和你一样曾经年少轻狂
受了一点伤
我们都是一样
相信永远不远但坚持却有点难

就让记忆中的爱慢慢烧
烧痛了我们就逃
带着现实的铐
摺叠我剩余的微笑
通往没有你的轨道
就让记忆中的你慢慢老
老去了谁也得不到
带着我的祈祷
摺叠我累积的问号
开始一次的单身潜逃

Memoirs of Europe

The exams officially ended on 5th December. I initially planned to do a blog entry right after that but an "enforced" trip to Europe resulted in a change of plans. Honestly, how I wished the exams would never end. It was exhausting nonetheless, but it kept my mind preoccupied with an objective and for the entire month of November, random and unnecessary thoughts were driven out of my messy mind. At least I've recovered slightly after that turmulous period of studying and revising. I thought I'd sorted myself out but deep down, I knew all was not well. Therefore, I decided to look at this trip to Europe as a breather from all that has gone wrong in life. Armed with my book of big philosophical questions, I embarked on my journey.
The first eye-opener for me was the realization that Qatar has quite a decent national airline, though the name still puts me off. I had the chance to catch up on many old movies onboard that I missed out during exams. The whole tour was a mad rush, 6 cities in 11 days! Taking in sight after sight from Frankfurt to Amsterdam to Paris... It didn't help my mind. There were days when the cold was frightening but it provided a refreshing sensation everytime a gust of cold wind greeted my face. It is as if I'm "cleansed" of all my troubles.
According to Murphy's law, everything that can go wrong WILL go wrong. Well, Bernard has something to add to that law : Everything that can go wrong will go wrong. If you ever doubt its validity, it WILL still prove you wrong in the end. Lessons are there to be learnt. Picking up the pieces from my previous lesson and "escaping" to Europe, it seems that there's this little bit of stubborness in me that I cannot detach myself from. And guess what, it did prove me wrong again. At least the damage is controlled this time round as I am learning to take a philosophical view of everything that is going on (or going wrong in my case). Time and time again, I keep getting egg on my face and making a fool out of myself. As I pen my thoughts and dejection here, it is really time for me to wake up and smell the coffee, to move out of my own transit in life. It hurts so bad.

Europe
Day 1 & 2 : Frankfurt & Cologne - Landed in Frankfurt late at night. Visited the streets of Cologne and a wonderful church. Found out that 1.FC Koln is actually in Cologne.
Day 3 & 4 : Amsterdam - Terribly cold city. There's a quaint little fishing village up north with wonderful fish and chips. Houses neatly lined up along the narrow streets of Amsterdam and there's also a huge red-light district with "eye-catching" display windows!
Day 5 & 6 : Brussels & Brugge - Another cold city. Had a wonderful lunch and scenic tour in Brussels and bought plenty of chocolates. Proceeded to Brugge and saw many shops selling Club Brugge jerseys but not very cheap though.
Day 7 & 8: Paris - Began to get sick and tired of bread. Had the chance to climb up the Eiffel Tower and enter another beautiful church. Visited many monuments and famous statues in the city and stepped into the Louvre museum.
Day 9 : Freiburg - Back in Germany. Tasted delicious cakes and ice wine in the black forest region.
Day 10: Luzenn - Went up Mount Titlis in Switzerland and it was extremely beautiful up there, not to mention freezing cold as well. Found out that Switzerland has good late night television... haha.
Day 11: Milan - City was older and dirtier than expected. Every inch of wall was not spared from colourful graffiti. But it was the warmest city so far and it was much more comfortable here. Looking forward to home.

I finally arrived in Singapore on the 21st of December. It was back to work and plenty of adjustments after that and to cope with the loneliness of spending yet another festive season by myself. Nonetheless, I was grateful for my part-time job for distracting me and keeping me occupied. Reality did not spare me though as it dealt me another cruel blow. Thankfully it decided not to mess with my first semester results as I managed to achieve a decent cap score of 3.4. But, this huge discovery could turn out to be the final blow that smashes every bit of my broken heart...