Mis-Quoted Trouble

Its quite amazing the amount of interest that generates just by a change of an online nickname. Just about a week ago, there was a series of unfortunate events which, rather predictably, happened to me. Little did I knew that there was going to be an unfortunate event of a larger scale as compared to mine, the tsunami disaster. But coming back to this, I've decided that I should express troubled feelings in my heart out and channel the negative surge of energy and adrenaline correctly. Initially, I suspected a rare case of PMS but dismissed it right away after realising that one of those unfortunate events was girl-related.

So what I did, besides dishing out the worst and torturous punishment I could to Rico on WWF Smackdown and composing a translated poem on my blog, I felt a change was necessary for my MSN nick, "Bernd's hopelessly blissful and blind - No One Loves Me, even the Right Girl".

It was a rather refreshing mix of cultures, a line from a rock tune by Sum 41 and part of the title from Acacia (a Korean movie). With all that done, I gave myself a pat on my back and sat back to take a well-deserved rest. Though all that strenuous physical and mental activity did less to improve my unfortunate situation, it was satisfying enough to know that the anger in my heart simmered. Everything remained usual till the next day when I returned to camp. My friends began to shower me with extra concern and became extremely patient to me. A fellow armskoteman finally broke the silence over their recent behaviour while we were on duty in the armskote room.

"Hey.. erm... Have you been ditched? I saw your nick on MSN." he asked, attempting to sound polite and non-obtrusive. I returned him a surprised stare, as if ridiculed. He tried to look away but I could not care less. At that time, I felt I could hold a M-16 rifle and a semi-auto, each on both hands, and fire away at him while thrusting a bayonet knife at his throat. I remember making it known to almost all my friends I had been girlfriendless all this while. But being the kind soul that I am, I repaid his kindness with thanks, telling him that I'm perfectly fine. It was like going through a bad patch. Then, to shun the topic and to advertise my blog at the same time, I asked him to visit my blog for more details. Killing two birds with one stone as they say...

Anyway, in this depressed and emotional last entry of 2004, I shall do all interested parties a favour by re-posting the entry mentioned, more for convenience sake. Do not waste your time but look between the lines for that hidden agenda. Happy New Year everyone...

Dreaming Of The Right Girl
CAPTIVATING
RAVISHING
EASY-GOING
TRUSTWORTHY
ELEGANT
SLENDER
ENDEARING
FRIENDLY
ALLURING

Dedication to an Angel

David Tao wrote this song, dedicating it to a salesgirl he once met while travelling overseas. I became terribly inspired to do it in English, and to dedicate to a girl I have yet to meet but lost. Weird, but true. Its the kind of feeling that warms my heart when I see her, though non-physically but it is so surreal. Nonetheless, this angel has flown and left and this is for her...

I do not recognise the person in the mirror
All I see is a worn-out soul
I try to smile but my heart would not relent
Loneliness kept within me
Just like a lost sail in the stormy sea
Will I ever have the courage to leave the present me?

Angel, Angel
How I wish you'd be with me
Angel, Angel
Take my hand and never let go

Sometimes I feel no one can ever
Feel the pain that I do in my heart
Too afraid to face reality
Keeping to myself is my escape
I need an embrace, for I'm breaking into pieces
Drifting out alone, will someone out there find me?

Angel, Angel
How I wish you'd be with me
Angel, Angel
Do you hear me?
Will you wait for me?

Angel, Angel
Please I need you by my side
Angel, Angel
Please don't ever let go...

All I Want For Christmas Is...

Tis' the season... The wait is over. Christmas has finally arrived and although I think it may be a wee bit too late for Santa to read this, here is Bernd's Christmas wishlist. It would be a fabulouso Christmas if all were to come true...

Bernd's wishlist:
+ Nike Total 90 III soccer boots
They're one of the best around, looks wonderful and feels good, worn by the biggest names in soccer... It may be a different story once they're on me though...
+ Man Utd home strip
THE best team with a cool gear... Nuff said.
+ Nokia 6170 (already gotten)
Not yet advertised and still unknown to the masses, quite a great gadget to have before everyone else does. Made of stainless steel too, a touch of class that doesn't rust...
+ Micro Hi-fi system
Well, I've got a portable radio cum CD player sitting in my room that looks pretty ancient and best of all, it cannot play CDs. Quite pathetic if you ask me...
+ Creative Zen Micro
In my opinion, this little miracle will win any apple, orange or pear or whatever brand you have in mind hands down. It looks way better too, with additional functions and a user-friendly interface. Best of all, its local. One to get after my current Creative MuVo TX. Piss off iPod...
+ Pool Cue
Something which I had longed for... I can safely say that with my current ability, I can play some decent pool every now and then after faithfully dedicating time and energy in sharpening my skills. Heck, even beating my friend now does not pose much of a problem for me. Time for a better and brand new cue for me as I continue in my quest for more glory.
+The girls mentioned below
(Rui En, Jeanette Aw, Debbie Wong, Lin Zhi Ling, Hebe, Hello! shop girl, the RIGHT girl)
These girls to me, are just absolutely out of this world. Well, I'm not asking for much but just to meet them in person would be enough. Anymore longer than that and I may risk myself getting puked on. If by the grace of God and the generosity of Santa, that I may get anyone of these as my girl, I swear to live my life decently and be a better man.
+Happiness
This would be something that money can't buy. So wouldn't it be great if I could get it for free? A priceless gift that lights up my life.
+My Pink IC
Gone with it was my freedom as a civilian. I wasn't even a willing party in the first place. To sum it up, it was an unfair trade for a ugly 11b, dull and dead military life (or is it no life?) and nonsensical activities. Bleah, f*ck it... As they say, serve and forget. If Santa can somehow overthrow the brainless government and the military and bring back my pink IC, I'll volunteer to be one of his reindeers next year.
+A special person
Till today, it has been a ten-month wait for this person. I'm not praying for miracles to happen but since its Christmas, I'll just like to include this person here.

MERRY CHRISTMAS...

Lonely Christmas

It never snows in the city I live in,
Yet I'm feeling cold, frozen out by memories.
My longing for you has long been forgotten
Along with the bright lights of the city...

Left by myself this Christmas,
A lonesome celebration and maybe getting drunk.
Forgetting about those whom I had loved,
for none are here with me.
All that remains, loneliness for the night.

Merry merry Christmas
Lonely lonely Christmas
My joy hangs solitarily in the air,
I'm desolated
Love has turned its back on me.

Lonely lonely Christmas
Merry merry Christmas
Like a greeting card without an address,
A lost destiny leaving me cold and broken.

Who will I spend this Christmas with?
Well I guess there isn't an absolute answer...

Have yourself a merry little Christmas...
Let your heart be light
From now on our troubles will be out of sight...

Nothing Is Possible, Anything Is Impossible

I feel that I have been trying my best to be an extremely simple and normal guy, at least for the past few months. Maybe I've been trying too hard as a close friend put to me that I've now become a total failure when it comes to members of the opposite sex. Very honest I must say and it gives me the urge to do some self-searching of late. Much as it hurts me to say this, but I'm afraid that whatever my dear friend had observed is actually happening to me in reality. Not that I care much with my newly-adopted mentality of "girls are a big hassle" and that "I'm in love with freedom". Putting aside all the crap in my head, I discovered that the situation has deteriorated into a no-hope and no-win case for poor ol' me. My shocking revelation came a week before Christmas...

I did not think much of my friend's proposal when he revealed it to me. According to him, someone was holding some dinner-party somewhere at some pub somehow. And he wanted me to be his "date" for that night. I could tell that it was sheer desperation that he came to me. On account of his friendship with me (I do not have many friends) and being the nice guy that I am, I relented. Well, it was your usual party with loud music, loud noises and loud people. There was plenty of guys and girls of course, sadly whom majority are already attached to the guys present there. (Why bother bringing them in that case?) Anyways, just like me, my friend had not has much luck with girls too and we found ourselves chilling out at a corner, drinking and watching people make merry. Being the inquisitive person that he is, he attempted once again to probe into my life. "Hey look, those guys look even worst than you do and yet, they've got a girl man!" I began to wonder if my friend was a light drinker. Come on, after a few vodkas and you actually think I'm good-looking? But after a careful observation of his behaviour and speech, it occured to me that he has yet to go into his drunken stupor. He then proceeded on with a rough biography with each of his attached friends and giving me the necessary advice to spur me on to find a girl.

I gave serious consideration to his feedback and thought, "Have I really gotten so pathetic that I can't even hold a candle to these guys?" It was truly a depressing moment. Maybe I should give myself a little chance after all. But I still decided to take things easy and let fate chart its course. If its fated to be, let it be. If its not, I shan't bother. And indeed nothing happened. So much for fate. Till last weekend when I decided to get a new mobile phone...

In order to add a touch of uniqueness and difference to my ordinary personality, I have decided to choose the Nokia 6170 for that extraordinary feel. It is a fantastic phone I must say. I came upon the following in a particular brochure while in the midst of purchasing...

There's something so pleasurable about the touch and feel of materials that are simply genuine. Just like the Nokia 6170. Designed with stainless steel covers, the Nokia 6170 encapsulates the true form of strength and beauty in a phone - sleek exteriors, internal substance and innate sophistication. Contemporary geometry meets sleek stainless steel covers, creating an ergonomically compact and durable casing that holds an effortless interface...

Man was she perfect. It was truly beauty beyond words. As she provided the final details of the specific features of my new mobile and my subscription plan, I could only gaze upon in wonder. Another one of God's best works, I told myself. There was something about her that attached my mind to her, an angelic aura. I convinced myself that it must be fate since it was the electronic queuing system that designated our queue numbers and counters. Buying a phone had never been anymore pleasant. Well, it wasn't quite possible for me to hog on to that counter forever and the brief fairytale had ended as soon as it had begun. For myself, what I have to take away with me from this was being able to know her (and her name too) and the chance of knowing that my new phone had been blessed by an "angel".

An advert for myself...
That girl whom served this ordinary looking guy at counter 3, queue number 1198 at the Hello! shop at Killiney. Sale item : Nokia 6170. Reply asap.

And as I promised my good ol' pal, an advert space here for him...
Looking for a girl who's sporty yet gentle, active, able to play musical instruments esp the piano, long hair, fair, considerate, of course not forgetting a good personality. If by the grace of God you who's reading this have the above mentioned, please do not hesitate to leave your contacts with me, well maybe in the comments column. If not, you can ask for my friend's blog site.

(I'm expecting a big fat zero reply to these ads... Its pure impossible but since its Christmas, who knows...)

Normality Resumed

I've been extremely busy lately. Its no wonder that I noticed a huge spider-web growth while logging into my account. "Must be ages since I last blogged..." was the immediate thought I had and it was true. So after a month of inactivity, here's my long-awaited entry.

Choosing not to blog was not an option for me from the beginning as there were plenty of obstacles put in my way. First of all there was the small matter of my friend inviting me to be a guest author for a short story that he wanted on his blog. Being a simple-minded person with a limited brain capacity, this assignment became more of a hindrance to my blogging mind, disrupting my momentum. Not that my friend's invitation was unwelcomed, it was a refreshing challenge for me and I would not mind such an opportunity if it strikes again. For anyone who have a thing for horror stories (mainly the horrible writing), go visit www.jerome.blogdrive.com

Then disaster hit me. My ever so reliable computer broke down unexpectedly. Just when the thought of my precious blog floated into my mind it had to die on me. I listed some of the reasons that had contributed to such a disaster.

a) The poor machine suffered from a long period of wear and tear and inevitably broke down.
b) The machine unfortunately got infected by those deadly viruses while I opened my e-mail.
c) The machine got extremely disgusted at Sylvester going into the S'pore Idols finals and as a result, got so sick that it felt it could not function anymore.

I'd like to believe the latter was not the ultimate cause of my computer's breakdown but after watching (in horror) the performances of the so-called sly idol wannabe, I became convinced that he was the main culprit. After all, my computer is placed (rather unfortunately) in close vincinity to the television in the living room. Maybe it would not have been so bad if that perpetual lousy singer had not made it through. If he had been kicked out, things could have resumed normality. But thankfully for some common sense and for God's good taste in music, the better singer won eventually. I guess that was why my computer started working again. After all that hype surrounding the Idols competition, I'm just glad that my poor ears are now spared from all that pathetic singing. Last I heard, the local blind and deaf societies had seen a tremendous increase in its members, mostly of whom are Sly fans.

November also saw my worst luck in the betting arena. It seem that I was destined to lose whatever wager I had. But I did not take it to heart for I believed that no person could be down for too long. It was a pretty good way to donate some money to charity and the society too, if my perception of the Singapore Pools is anything to go by. Indeed my bad luck went away with the dark November. December brought some good luck along with it and I'll be looking to add more joy to my Christmas this year.

Well just less than two weeks to Christmas and now everything is back to normal again. At least I'm blogging again.