The Second Beginning, A Second Life

我们常常问别人：“你最近好不好？”但我们到底有没有问过我们自己“我好不好？”... January has come and gone in a blink of an eye. In a flash, the first month of 2008 is over and what a turbulent start it has been. As all five of my modules are different from most of my friends, I am taking it alone, save for Contemporary Social Issues with Shamala and Dawn plus Sociology of Tourism with Irys! I guess this is my own version of Super Tuesday... Anyway, it felt like a big change, never mind if it is a refreshing or welcomed one, since the last two semesters were spent taking modules with Xueying and Serene, and occasionally Fabius. Having not met with Serene for sometime, she raised the above question while chatting online, asking me how have I been, leaving me to ponder about my state of life.

Well, January was a month that held so much promise, so much hope and I began planning my time table meticulously, hoping to grab the opportunity to chat up with Peishan whenever it arises. Similarly, I crossed my fingers for my modules to turn out decent and interesting, able to engage me and also not to take up too much time. The latter turned out quite alright and module-wise, I am glad that this semester looks to be manageable. But it is the former that has left me still crossing my fingers for far too long now, till I suspect that my index finger and middle finger have switched places. What's worse is that nothing (not even anything good) came out of it, and I got a sneaky feeling that I emerged from it not a hero, but a despicable, disgusting, rude, lustful women-deprived maniac who has a tendency to stalk poor innocent girls. At least that is what I thought how I was perceived given the messy messy situation.

Eliminating the possibilities that she could be a) somebody with homosexual tendencies or b) attached to a handsome charming prince riding a white horse, the situation would not have degraded to such an extent if people would just discard their pessimistic and negative expectations of others around them.

An encounter with a blind man at a bus stop along Bukit Timah Road the other day was a refreshing experience for me. There I was, waiting for the elusive 74 when somebody bumped into me from behind. Instead of screaming crazily thinking that somebody attempted to molest me (not surprising nowadays, even more men are displaying homosexual tendencies... think Ranneth) or instinctively swinging my arm to punch whoever knocked my back, I simply turned and observed. A poor blind man was struggling along the pavement, trying to make his way to the bus stop. No one seemed to bother about his existence so I removed my earphones and took the initiative to help. He was waiting for bus 961 and I agreed to help him keep a lookout. It was amazing how two total strangers can chat about anything under the sun, from work to family to job experience etc, without suspicion or inhibitions. It is as if the absence of sight actually facilitated the conversation and the atmosphere was so much friendlier. Maybe I look freaky to Peishan, but I really feel that the individualized and capitalist mind has distanced people from each other.

When a mismatch arises between ideals, expectations and reality, what do you do? Well, sociology taught me to abandon ideals and move on to avoid complicating my own emotions. Emotions and Social Life came in handy there. The first sign of moving away was the absence of any trace of her info in my organizer, so the start of February looks encouraging. Seriously, it was for my own good as this began to have detrimental effects on my life.

I had a sneak preview of Chinese New Year at my cousin's wedding last weekend. The first question when my family sat down at a table with my grand aunty was "So do you have a girlfriend?" This was followed by two to three more consecutive similar questions by other relatives. I may have to expect more to come during the festive celebrations. It was not so much of their inquisitiveness that bothered me but the constant reminder that I do not fit in the regular social expectations of what is deemed to be a sign of maturity in life. I do not need this extra reminder that my reality is not legitimised by society. I guess that laughter, besides being the best medicine, is the best method to avoid the brunt of their cruel questions.

I can safely say that the feeling of anomie has reached its peak within me, which according to Srole, I totally agree with his five statements which measured anomia.
1. In spite of what some people say, the lot of the average man is getting worse.
2. It's hardly fair to bring children into the world with the way things look for the future.
3. Nowadays a person has to live pretty much for today and let tomorrow take care of itself.
4. These days a person doesn't really know who he can count on.
5. These's little use writing to public officials because they aren't really interested in the problems of the average man.

Well, on Lunar New Year's eve, I naturally hope that all negative feelings will dissolve and things will be fine once again on this second beginning. 1st of January was a fault start, will this start be a better one?